Birthday wishes to a best friend!

To My dearest and bestest friend Aashish R Parekh , Bhaloo papa!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I do not know how to tell you that i am so lucky to have a friend like you. Words are not enough to describe how much you mean to me.. To all of us.. I am sure Hans Vishwanath and Abin Sharaf would agree.You are like a brother figure to us all. When I am happy or I achieve something you are there cheering along with me.I got placed in my first company, you cried with joy! You are the first one to come and celebrate along with me. I needed someone to help me with my Mechanical Second Year Project, And you , in spite of being a  Civil Engineering Student, leave all your assignments and help me out.

I was depressed once in my first year Diwali, not sure whom to trust, I was burdened by my extremely poor Engineering mechanics and Maths internals and was totally devastated. We were all new, trying to know each other well and do not know whom to pour my heart away, Then you came, took me out for dinner.. And I realized that day,You are one whom I have to treasure as a friend forever.You were there in all my screw-ups.,Just there to soothe me. I got dumped.,you were there. I got a Disciplinary hearing,you were there…right by my side, letting me believe that you are there and everything will be alright.. I can go on on.

Now that we are far far away doing our own jobs, some of us in top B Schools, IIMs, some of us in Multi national companies, some  like me, in a ‘Sarkari’ Public Sector, our heart grows fonder for each other, every passing day. Grabbing every opportunity to meet up with each other whenever possible. Hope this continue to eternity!

To a wonderful Gem of a person like you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Hope we are friends forever!. See you in Goa soon!

False promises

“We must always stay in touch! We should make it a point to meet once in a year!” “Yes dude! We have to!” …..and they depart. Teary eyed, remembering every moment of their last few years together.

Yes! That is the biggest and repetitive lie all of us have said atleast once in our life. 10th farewell, +12 farewell, College farewell, You have said it. And no one can be blamed for it. It is, perhaps, how life works. And we all gradually learn this ugly truth. Sadist as it may sound, no friend is permanent. You will have friends through out your life and the number will keep increasing but your old friends will get pushed back in your old sweet memories  reminiscing now and then . Baring one or two of your closest friends, notice how your school friends got replaced by most of your high school friends, your college friends over your high school friends and so on..

If distance can be a bitch, work can be a bigger bitch, tearing many a friendships apart. They say time is the biggest healer and a destroyer.  But when distance and time comes together, the speed at which the bonding breaks down is dissociative. Speed, distance and time are not mere parameters for equations of ‘laws of motions’ but also ‘laws of emotions’. Recently, a junior got posted in my section and my boss attached him with me. These are the newly recruited batch,fresh from their colleges abiding by all the promises a fore mentioned . As I was interacting with him, he reminded me of my good old days. He went on and on about how many friends he has in Bangalore and how they all caught up with their hay days. His excitement and affection towards his friends amused me a bit and I gave him a wry smile, the exact smile my senior gave me one year back. Okay let the lad have his fun while it last I thought.

I am seeing a lot of post and photos on Facebook by my junior batches. They just had their convocation. During the period of college farewell to their convocation, I am sure they must have met up a couple time travelling 100′s of kilometers. They have all joined their jobs recently and got their first salary.Money and time does not matter to them more than friendship.The first thing a person does when he/she moves in to a new place is to get an internet connection and install Skype. Lots of hugs, lots of group photos and that must have “graduation caps in the sky” photos.  Too much love! Too much friendship! Does not seem right somehow! When is the ‘time’ factor going to act? When is their ‘work’ going to burden them?

As one advances towards mainstream job life from his training days,time full fledgedly works on him/her. You get to know your colleagues better with time and start hanging out with him/her outside office. Your STD calls to your outstation friends reduces and local calls start increasing. Then one fine day you make your first mistake. You are out hanging out with your friends and then your old college friend(s) calls. You pick up and tell him/her that you are out with friends and you will call him/her tomorrow. That ‘tomorrow’ never comes. And then you text him/her saying that you could not call citing long working hours as your lame excuse. And Vice versa. It works for couple of times. But then, ‘distance’  plays a dirty role by bringing in ‘insecurity’ and ‘jealousy’. Your friends feels that you have forgotten them since you now have new friends to hangout with. And they slowly give up on you and they move on. But then, the love for each other still remains the same but in the form of cherishing memories. And those memories keep coming every time you log on to Facebook and check out your old albums. You show them that you miss them in the form of a ‘like’ and a ‘comment’

Priorities change. Visiting home becomes more important and logical than visiting your friends.Its not that you do not miss your old friends. Maybe you just want to get over them because remembering them just does not allow you to forget your past. Clinging on to your past will do you no good. Life is a big novel after all and how it ends is totally upon you.But when you meet your good friends after a long time, irrespective of the duration, you can still catch up with him/her from the point you left, the last time. But then you have a Timer on, reminding you every second that you have to go back to where you belong. After all, “good times comes in packages of 24 to 48 hours post college life!”

The Grand Love

We would all agree that most adorable,harmless and innocent among the human race are the children and the old  people. Our grandparents create a niche in most of our lives and in many cases, they take up a parent’s role in bringing up their grand kids. I am one of them.

With time,no matter how grown up we become, we will still be that small kid she once used to take care of. Holding my little finger and taking me to school during my early school days, attending most of  my parents-teachers meetings. I was a bit embarrassed to walk beside my grand mom and ashamed that everyone’s parents used to come and we were the only odd one out there. My friends  used to ask me “Where are your parents?”.I had no reply. Now I really want to go back and tell them “You will realize it later how lucky I am.”For the record, my grandmother was the authority and she used to take care of most of the decision making that goes around in the house. We used to call her ‘Ma’. She was a strict ‘parent’. So every parents-teachers meeting was the same story. My grand mom thought I was the ‘first bench obedient kid’ and my teacher thought I was the ‘naughtiest, most talkative never do homework but intelligent’ kid. Her disappointment results in my red caned butts back home after the meeting.  She wanted me to be an all rounder. She wanted me to be a Tabla Player but I wanted to be a guitarist. I ended up being a  ’Visharad’  and a national music scholarship holder in Tabla till 10th standard. Then IIT-JEE/AIEEE happened and ruined everything.She wanted me to be a table-tennis player/badminton player but I wanted to be a cricketer. She is the reason I can read and write  and is able to write this blog post right now. I remember when my grandfather used to give me a 5 rupee note every Friday and I ended up having those “Aloo-chats” outside the school gates. And the trend of giving his grandson a bit of money still continues through college days to present working days. The denominations of Rs.5 is increasing and so is the love. Last time I went home, he put a 1000 rupee note inside a handmade envelope with neat handwritten note ”To our Dear grandson Ankan. With blessings, Ma and Koka (grandpa in Assamese).

What I believe is that a Grandparent-Grandchild relation is very sacred. Do not try to break it by hurting them. They are at a very vulnerable stage right now and need us to be with them through thick and thin the same way they were with us when we were vulnerable as kids. All they want from us is a little bit of our time. It will be a grave sin from our part if we cannot even do that much for them. Technology was somewhat easier back in school days with just the land-line to contact each other. Now with more complicated means of communication it is difficult for old people to keep in touch with their dear ones without some assistance. I remember back in my college end semester holidays, Grandma used to tell me and my sister to teach her how to write an SMS and call using her new basic model of Nokia. We used to pass the buck on each other. I tried teaching her many times and she would make the same error. I was an impatient person back then, straight from the college. How can I be wasting time teaching my grand mom how to use the stupid phone when I have to go out to party with friends, chat with my college pals on Facebook.right? Once I got very irritated while teaching her the same stuff and told her rudely “Ma! Why do you have to bother writing an SMS and just tell daddy to connect the call when you have want to talk to me.” She replied “Please don’t get irritated. I wanted to learn just to talk to you and your sister. At this age who else do I have other than you people?” There were tears coming out of her eyes. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of my holidays and when the time came for me to leave home, she called me and handed me an envelope. I opened it in the plane.There was  a 2000 Rupee note inside and as small letter saying “You wanted to buy a watch. I hope this would be enough. With love, Ma. I cried throughout my journey back to college. The next time when I went home, I bought a webcam for the home computer and taught her how to Skype , write email along with her SMS writing. . I hope God forgave me. few days back when I got promoted to a Junior Manager she smsed me “Good morning! My dear Junior Manager Sahab!”. that was the best complete message she could send me along with the others which were a bit incomplete.

Little things you do for them really means a lot to them. I gifted my Koka(granddad) a Casio watch from Flipkart. When he received the delivery, he was very happy. My grandfather has a collection of very costly gold watches gifted by my Aunts and Uncles but he loves to wear my comparatively much cheaper Steel Casio watch and keeps looking at it all the time as my dad told me. He wears it with great pride. After all his little grandson whom he used to give 5 rupees every Friday gifted him.

It took me a lot of time to write this particular post as there were lots of strong emotions attached to it. As I was writing this,there was a knot inside my throat throughout. I wish I can be a great person someday as they wanted me to be and most importantly I hope God is kind enough to let them see that day. This is my humble prayer. And I request anyone who bothered to read this, Please spend some time with your old grandparents. You may be too busy hanging out with your friends now but later when you realize it, it would be too late.

Too bad! You are a “Bachelor”

Bachelor: ”Sir! I am fine with whatever rent you quote for your house. I am tired of House hunting and am dying to stay under a roof although yours is a leaked one.”

Landlord:”Very well then. When will you shift in with your wife?”

Bachelor: “Wife uh? Sir! you got me wrong. What I meant by “my partner” is actually a guy who works in the same company.”

Next: The most probable answer that you can hear from the Landlord is,

1st Answer: “Bachelor huh? Too bad I cannot allow you to spoil the environment around. You people do not have any upbringing. Late night parties, girls…..

2nd Answer: “No way! I cannot allow another bachelor to spoil my house. I had to face so many problems from the society and the neighbors.This new generation people are totally worthless.

3rd Answer:  “Oh! I am totally sorry. I don’t mind renting my flat to a bachelor but the society has a problem with bachelor staying in this building. you know there are college girls and women folk around. If you are planning to marry soon then I can convince them to allow you to stay.”

Recently I had to shift to a new house in a different sector. Trust me! House hunting is a serious pain. Everyone of us dream of having a wonderful flat and have those lovely house parties at home that they show in the movies. As I was shifting my stuff into my new flat, I was approached by the neighbour Aunties. They asked if  I am a a bachelor with a look of disgrace. After a bit of explanation that me and my roommate are busy preparing for further education and that we do not have that much time at our disposal, they calmed down a bit but not without the remark “Do not bring girls”. It was offensive but funny at the same time. Anyway we are all cool at present as both me and my roommate turned out to be “Always Out Neighbours”

This is the most common problem that most of the young working bachelors face. Young ambitious India has a desire and aspiration to make it big in his field. With the mushrooming of various technical colleges around the country, the turbulent Indian economy is unable to fill the void to employ the fresh talents. Young and ambitious that he is, clueless about the big city, after the hunt for a Job ends,the next Herculean task that he faces is “House Hunting” however daunting the task ahead is.

It is believed that a guy is more likely to get a girlfriend in Mumbai than a roof to live under.  At the present rate, the way things are going, where you require certified documents to prove your qualification even to become a security guard of a company and a character certificate to prove your character,It wont be much long when house owners would ask your Qualification apt for getting a flat for rent. Qualification: Marriage and Certified Document: Marriage certificate. A+ if married with kids, B- is engaged and F if you are bachelor.As far as I know I don’t think our female colleagues have to face such turmoils. Indian society and their cliches! It is such a biased thought that girls are genteel and all the ruckus in the society is carried out by the male uncivilized activities. In a world where every women demands equality in every aspect of life be it late night partying, politics, why are we boys facing this imbecile social stigma.

Just because some neighbours had a bad history with some weird reckless ‘party hard’ bachelors in their respective societies doesn’t imply that every walking, talking working bachelor is the same. Gossiping and assumption is such a lethal combination. The most dangerous people in a society are the “Aunties”. The Kitty party going Aunties have nothing better to do but gossip about their neighbours and how it is unsafe for their daughters to roam around in the colony now that we bachelors have encroached their land. As if we have nothing better to do in our life but just stalk their daughters. And what about them aunties and uncles? Haven’t they gone through the same “youth” phase of life? Then why this hypocrisy? You would have a comeback with “your late night parties do not let us sleep!”. Let us point out the fact that “Those late night parties” come once in a blue moon. I am sure you can handle it once in a while as we are dealing with your frequent family get-togethers, wife’s/children’s loud TV/Stereos/loud ‘conversations’. almost everyday and we never complained.

All I am saying that it is totally safe to rent out houses to young bachelors like me. You are completely safe.Your property is safe, your college going daughter is safe. You are over-estimating us with our partying skills. We do not have that much money nor do we have the energy to throw parties everyday. Just relax and let us live if you do not want poor guys like us taking shelter in your neighbourhood in tents and huts like gypsies.

A humble request to all our MBA pursuing friends

Dear MBA Friends of mine,

Every Morning I get up and see notifications of new mails, offline messages, Facebook group postings on my phone. I check the names and most of them turn out to be my MBA friends.

I was so happy that you guys cracked CAT/XAT/SNAP etc. and you are now happily studying away in prestigious IIMs, XLRI, FMS etc. We agree that you have  loads of assignments to complete, deadlines to meet and resumes to build for your upcoming PPOs.  Your assignments may have a lot of surveys varying from ages 1 to 50 or you guys have a trend of having Facebook contests which demand you to gather the maximum number of likes. And you would become the CEO of a Multi-National Company or a rich investment banker. We pray!

Due to this rising trend, here are the things we would like you to know about how we feel:

Exhibit a:

Exhibit b:

1) Please understand this simple logic. You telling us “Please like this photo for me. It is for a contest in our college” OR “Please fill up this marketing survey for me. It is for my assignment” is the same as we telling you “Please fill up the office data in excel sheets. Its for my boss” or “Please go and inspect the site for me. Its for the company.” Did we ever tell you this?

2)Yes, we were awesome friends in school/college and we still are,but we do not care whether you have to  win some stupid Facebook marketing contest.

3)Yes we are sitting jobless at office/home. We would rather play minesweeper than fill your marketing survey.

4)Please do not spam our mailboxes with your MBA stuff. Its not cool. You are of course allowed to share something funny.

5) Just because you are an alumni of your previous college, you  do not have the right to spam the Alumni/College activity Facebook Groups with your stupid surveys/photos. Relevant things directing towards the betterment of the college and its present students is always welcome.

Thank you,

Non-MBA collective

P.S: Irony is all of us are going to do an MBA one day and we would become the addressee. Until then let us have some fun abusing you. And this post does not mean to offend anyone.

And The ‘Engi. Student of the Year’ goes to.. :

We still know what I am going to write but I would still like to blog about it. Lets say : A tribute to a great director and a movie, Student of the Year.

Karan Johar! I respect you for what a great director you are ! But..Why? Why do you do this to us.  The movie “Student of the year” comes out straight from the Old Library shelf classified as ‘Aesop’s fables’.  In which part of India do we have a college like that? Forget India, I don’t think any good Universities abroad has glamour quotients like that. If such colleges exist I do not think a guy would give a rat’s ass to  entrance exams like IIT JEE, AIEEE, GRE. We would take the next train to that place having your hypothetical non-existent college and stand in queue for good.

Well, we are no expert movie critics but we are not dumb enough to let you play with engineering student’s frustrations and especially a fresher’s expectation of a COLLEGE. It won’t take rocket science to  know the basic differences. Perhaps a movie which we, the normal college junta, can relate to would be much better. Right? You don’t get to see a guy, especially not a +2 student, coming in a Ferrari,  extremely hot models walking around in hot pants in the libraries. Well, doing some elementary  study on what was shown in “Student of the Year” and what I experienced during my college days, the basic differences can be shown as follows:

(Left: A Hypothetical college from ..umm.. lets say K Jo’s SOTY and on the right : Normal Indian colleges (barring the likes of National college Bandra, St. Xaviers, NIFTs)

1) Freshers and Ragging :

 

2) How Girls go to college :

 

3) How the dudes go to college:

 

4) Academics in college :

 

5) Hangouts and Parties in college days:

6) Last but not the least on Extra Curriculars :  SOTY students are too good at any damn sports, races a Ferrari, plays the guitar like Santana and drums like Mike Portnoy, got the moves and parties  like Jagger and still manages to have no problem with attendance  passes with flying colour, bags the prestigious title of the movie name itelf  and bags the highest paid job. You don’t say?

Where as, on a parallel universe, you( likes of Unmukt Chand) represent India and win the cricket Under 19 world cup and the college Dean still tries to detain you for low attendance  You party like a rock star  dunk like Micheal Jordan and win laurels for your college and you flunk your exams and get year backlogs and by the time you pass out you still remain jobless.

True Story.

 

Karan Johar! You trying  to troll us eh??? 

P.S. : Do Share our woes with your friends.

And  I do not mean to hurt anyone’s feelings in the process of humour generation. It is solely for making fun of us, the Engineering people and I apologize if I hurt anyone’s sentiments. Thank you. No doubt it is a good movie by a great director like Karan Johar. We can just about think of being at his level.

Penguin Airlines : The New Dawn

Finally there seem to be a thin ray of hope for our King of Good Times Dr. Vijay Mallya. We all know that the owner of Kingfisher Airlines is going through a rough patch with the Airline’s staff on a strike for not receiving any payment for a long time, To add to his woes, the airline’s flying license was suspended as it was not meeting the safety norms of the Airports Authority.
Sources claim that Dr. Mallya is currently busy with the Formula One  Grand-prix. In reality, it is believed quite strongly that the ‘King of good times’ is spotted near the Himalayas and is believed to be under meditation for a long time. According to sources, he was advised to do the same by our very own Yoga Guru Ramdev Baba. He further advised Dr. Mallya to change the name of his airlines from the current “Kingfisher Airlines” to “Penguin Airlines” as the former was clashing with ‘Vaastu Shashtra’ as well as ‘feng-shui’.
Dr. Mallya was initially reported to be obstinate about changing the name of the airlines but after a heated argument with the Management and the staff, he decided to let go of the Brand name “Kingfisher : fly with good times” and decided to go with ” Penguin : because we don’t fly anymore”. And without doubt one can see that the airline is slowly gaining its momentum with the kingfisher Employee Union calling off the strike and agreeing to resume work with immediate effect.
Dr. Mallya also ordered his son Mr. Sid Mallya to immediately start shooting for a ‘Sorry Card’ along with the Kingfisher Model’s calender shoot with his bevy of beautiful models.

Vizag Steel News: New Chick spotted in township. Suit up boys!

“Guys! There is a new chick in town.”

In an uneventful company township from Vizag,’Andhra Pradesh’ , where beautiful girls are really scarce, these little news comes in as a box of candies from heaven and ignites a sense of passion and libido among all love hungry, sex starved male satyromaniac regiment from this tinsel township. This, in fact I would say is the driving force of every walking man aged 23 to 27 to go the the gym, swimming pool and evening jogs and walks in the Sector 2 ground. I am one of them. For the record, Our PSU have started mass recruitment after almost a decade and lots of young Non South Indians have come from prestigious government engineering colleges across the country. They have suddenly realized that a huge group of senior executives are going to retire and we need a lot people to run this company. So many young desperate engineers roaming around and this small township has not much to offer.

2 days back, I was minding my own business, following my daily routine.. came back from office at 6 pm, went for jogging to Sector 2 ground. As I was about to exit the small gate of the ground after doing 4 rounds of jogging, THERE!! a really hot chick . pretty lady walks in through that gate. there was a jittery moment in between about which one of us would exit from that narrow gate. Eyes met and a smile was exchanged. She was wearing a black tracksuit, white earphones plugged in her ears and came in a red i 10, AP 31 BR 2676. For a second I even considered going back and make 3 rounds around, but my legs said “No bitch! shut up and keep walking home”. But desire to walk back in was strong. Maybe my standard have come down.. Maybe She is not so pretty after all. Lately many of my friends I have visited, have told me this. Any random girl passing in front us in a mall and I go like ” Hey! Check her out.. She looks good.”  The rest :” WTF!! What happened to your standards man?? Don’t worry, we can understand. You live in AP now.”

Yesterday I was telling about this new girl in town to my friend Sathe. ” DUUUUDEEE!!!! YEAAA!!! Even I have seen her yesterday in ‘Ukku Club’. She is sooo hot. She came with her dad last night. Her father is a Deputy General Manager.” Oh God! Prurient Sathe already knows. Nothing is going to be right now. He must have already done his Homework, updated his numerous FB status about her and find out things about her. One good thing : Atleast my standard has not gone down. Glad to know that! Me: ” I saw her first okay! Tu bhar main jaa!! Be happy playing in the rains ( double meaning).

Today : I am beginning to wonder. either this township is too small ( it is not though) or there are lots of coincidences happening with me. I see that girl again. She was just parking her car outside and coming in to have lunch in the restaurant. Wow! This has got to be it. I have almost lost the art of striking conversations with random chicks staying in Vizag for more than year.

Me: Hey! Who are you?

Girl ( weird expression) : Excuse me!

Me : Well! Let me tell this to you straight. Its been more than a year we have stayed in Vizag and lets face it, we don’t have many beautiful girls walking around in this township. Me and some of my friends saw you and we cant stop talking and thinking about you lately. And please do not act as if you do not know you are very pretty. You are one of the most prettiest lady I have seen since a long time.

Her face turned red. I thought It was fury but it was a blush. Her blush turned to a grin and then to a big laughter.

Girl : You are very frank aren’t you? Hi! I am _____. I do not stay here in Vizag right now. My father is the DGM here. I am working in Hyderabad and I just came for a few days.

Me : Nice! I think You are coming to have lunch right? Same here. Lets go inside.

Girl : Sure!

The Disastrous Condom

 

Warning: Before you start reading this , let me warn you strictly that if at all you are waiting to find some ‘Savita Bhabi ‘ stuff here , I would suggest you to calm down your libido a bit.

 

It revolves around a trip to Goa. Those serene  beaches, that ‘let yourself free‘ thing that you feel, those cheap beers. Those of you who have been to Goa would get what I actually mean to say. Its a paradise on earth.It is also a place where a frustrated engineering student(NIT/IIT mostly) loses his virginity. Atleast he gives a serious attempt to lose. This story can be dated back to my final year times in the year 2010. Every group in my  batch were planning a Goa trip. To cherish the last few moments, together building memories to cherish later in their lives.  Things got planned out  and the trip was successful. All of ‘them’ had fun. There was a friend of mine called sandy who borrowed my Nike college Bag for the trip.

So holidays got over and college started again. Along with it came the assignments and practical journal submission. “Oh brother! why are holidays so short? What we plan to do in holidays never gets executed. You plan to relax all day long, devote your time to finish all the assignments, prepare well in advance for the sessionals so that you score some decent marks (LOL!) and improve your already poor CGPA, go to the college field for some exercise and sleep well on  time so that your body gets all the rest it lacked all this while. Nothing of those sort happen. Forget studying, my books got a layer of dust.. hey! I never had any books in my 4 years of Engineering. What I meant is I never did any of my assignments. Instead had to copy the whole stuff from the circulating Xerox of some nerd who ACTUALLY did what I planned to do  during my holidays. Never got any of the sleep I dreamt of, instead was busy getting drunk, partying and all that goes along with it.

Its 9.12 AM. I am getting late for Lakshmi Ma’am’s (name changed) class and I had to submit that stupid assignment to her. Those oI hurriedly grabbed all my assignments  from the table and searched for my bag to put it in. Oh crap! Sandy didn’t return my bag. I hurriedly went down to his room to collect it . Sandy: “ Abbé! Its .. umm.. a  bit dirty okay! there must be a bit of sand and some other stuff in it…… .” Me: ” Its okay! I just need to carry these assignments to class. Don’t worry! I would return your stuff  back later” and hurriedly stuffed all the bunch of papers.

Lakshmi Ma’am’s Class (9.25 am IST):

Shit! I am the only one who is late.

Me: May I come in Ma’am!

Everyone looked at me expecting some sort of interesting thing to happen now. Anyway how does it matter all these bastards needed some diversion from the boring class.There is this thing about VNIT Mechanical department. Most of us were fools and were good ‘bakchods’ during a class and since there were hardly any girls in our batch  and none to impress like those EEE, CSE or ECE departments , well! we hardly cared.Among those, I along with some few were  the best entertainers. Last bencher and  bottom lister that we were.

Ma’am: Welcome Ankan! You are late as expected of you. I hope you have done your assignment.

Me (with some confidence) : ”Of course ma’am! I am always on time for my assignment.”

and started searching my bag for it. I had every assignment except for this one.  I zipped and unzipped all the chains of my bag to see if its there. Everything was going on in front of the whole class and the prof. on the other side with a smirk on her face. My last effort to find out. I overturned my bag so that everything falls on the floor. and THERE!! … I found a strip of 3 condoms falls down. Everyone in the class now wide awake and pretty sure there will not be much of a class now.  The condoms existence did surprise me and  the rest of the class.

Back then I never had a chance to use one. Since it was a female prof. who I was standing in front of me, things got way bit weird. I tried to act calm and collected all my belongings. Bastard Sandy! How many man ! How many does a man require. Lucky chap!Luckily for me, the prof. did not make any issue out of it. But it was quite of an embarrassment for me and more depressing as I wasn’t the one to go to Goa and get hooked up in some stupid bar.

…………..

I agree that this rubber plays a vital role in some of the guys in college.

Everyone would agree that there is that guy/guys in their batch who seems to get lucky in terms of getting laid. Maybe in reality, he may not get some action that frequently, but its college and all of us are bastards. A bit of exaggeration and with some help of rumour-mongers the whole thing blows out of proportion. “You know that lucky bastard gets action every Saturday! I wish I could have been him.” There was  one like that in our batch too. I will not use his name but I guess most of my college seniors batch-mates and juniors  would know the name of the legend.The legend is a great player of the game. Rumour says it that the legend has a score of more than a century.

 

Well, It was the legend’s birthday and all of us  gathered to kick his butt for good. All his pockets were emptied.. key-chain, mobile, wallet… As sneaky as we were, some of us decided to check his wallet. Imagine our joy when we found the silvery packet that none of us ever gets to use in our whole life pre marriage. So the legend was questioned of its existence.

 

 

 

“You know life is very uncertain. You do not know what will happen to you  the next minute. I am always prepared to face anything out of the ordinary. What if we get lucky? ( Me: Yea rright!!”) So I  always carry a condom in my purse, and one in my car’s dash-board.”

So Kids! (HIMYM style) Always carry a good quality rubber with you! Prevent population and AIDS.

 

 

 

 

A tale of a Desi Blackberry User

• You still do not know why your mobile network service has the 399 INR BB ‘Internet’ Plan and ‘Internet surfing and downloading’ is not in the features. What the..!!!
• You end up having an inflated mobile bill which  is  almost 70 percent due to the Blackberry Internet Service plan and 30 percent due to petty phone calls. ( statistics may vary from person to person).
• It is a pain to enlighten people the non-BB users about a Blackberry Plan  and why you pay multiple times more to get the same 2G services.
• You still do not know what is the point of paying for additional 3G BB service plan package on top of your already  pricey 2G BB  service plan.
• You need to convince a lot of people why the blackberry is the smartest smartphone but deep within you know that an android is way better and cheaper for the same specifications and Iphone is way cooler.
• At least a couple of your BB messenger contacts are people you don’t really want them on your list but you  accept their friend request to increase your already negligible number of friends on your BBM list.
• You tend to update your Facebook status only and only from your Blackberry even if you are sitting right in front of your computer just to get those 5 white dots on black cube below your status update. Its cool no!
• You send long  mails and big attachments  from your phone  although it is way easier and faster from the computer  because its cooler to have the “ Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel /BSNL/Vodafone” below your mail. Feels like a Big shot.
• No We don’t care if you are at this place or that or having a good day with your friends, but we will check your updates nevertheless.  You can blame it on the irresistible red notification flash LED .
• You decide to devote your time to something without distractions, yet your eyes keep checking whether your green LED has turned to ‘red’.
• Why is Blackberry Maps even there on the phone in India?
• You see that hot chick with a Blackberry and you wish you had her PIN.

But in the end we are the Blackberry Boys! We are the Blackberry Boys!!

GHOST CASTING

“Death is often as casual and unexpected as birth!You never know when it can happen to you!”

“Mr. Saikia! You have to report in the evening shift at 6 PM tomorrow. Your duty is from 6 PM to 6 AM in SMS 1.” Oh great! Another emergency duty because of the stupid strike. These Union leaders care so much about the well being of the plant. Why can’t they work also for it a bit. Chuck 9 hour duty! Work for just 4 hours and we will be more than happy! Politics! Its infiltrating in every dimensions. So much for “Prevent dis investment of the company.” There’s always two sides of the same coin. Sometimes I wonder whether this whole dis investment thing is a boon or a bane.
……..

“Please report to Mechanical In charge of Casting Machine 3. There is some problem and you have to rectify as early as possible. You have to go below ground level to check what’s wrong. Just be careful all right! We have to make do with very less number of people and there will not be anyone working for you. You know! Opening and tightening and all that goes along with it.Get the necessary tools and equipments from the stores.” Oh! All right that’s expected. I seriously hate working in this old phase. Its so hot and dusty. No wonder everyone wants to leave this place. Even the drinking water is boiling hot inspite of a cooler fixed to it!

Its dark in here. I checked the time. Its 2 AM in the morning. There is a constant sound of all the steel casting machines running above me. As I go deeper down the tunnel below ground level, those sound keeps fading away and a foul smell of stagnant water comes in. The light is very dim here. Have to report to the safety department about it. There are so many pipelines of different gases, water and hydraulic oil running through them at various levels of pressures. Going deep into the chamber of waterlines alone is not cool. Especially after that recent fatal accident that killed 19 executives. Now I am beginning to realize that I am yet to recover from that incident. Lots of weird thoughts started coming in. I am trying hard to think about some merry stuff but somehow the different faces of all the blast victims are flashing through my mind. I remembered some old guard telling me something like ” You know this site used to be a graveyard before this Casting Shop was built. The Land acquisition was a very tragic incident. Lot of people were displaced.”… Its natural I guess. After all you never know what can happen to you when you are surrounded by enormous pressure lines of inflammable gases and hydraulics ranging from 50 to 300 kg/cm2.There is an eerie silence around and a distant sound of the rattling steel casting machines above followed by sounds of water drops echoing around. The bulbs started to flicker a bit! Oh damn! I forgot to bring my torch. I tried to check both my cell phones. No signal. I checked my walkie-talkie. It was working.“Saikia! Saikia! Come Online! Come online!” Me: ” Yes sir! Cheppandi ( ‘Tell me’ in telugu).” ….“Did you find the Valve? Tell me as soon as you get it. Let me know which line auto valve to switch off.”… Me:” Allright sir!”.. “And listen!”.. Me:“Yes sir?”…“Try to do it a bit faster. Its urgent! The pressure is going high at an abnormal rate. You know what it can result to?” Me:” Yeah sir!” Beep! The line went off. That Idiot! So easy for you to just operate the buttons in the AC control room when the actual thing is here where I am. At the same time I was a bit scared too! Inexperienced that I am, How am I supposed to know which is the faulty one among the hundreds of valves spreaded all around the chamber?.. Won’t be tough! There was a faint hissing noise coming from a 100 mm diameter pipeline. I read the tag attached to it.“LPG” OMG! How am I suppose to arrest this leak now.I was not informed of this. There is no shut down valve nearby for this LPG line also. The walkie talkie buzzed again “Saikia! Saikia! Emergency! Emergency! Please evacuate the area as soon as possible! Come out of the chamber NOW! The ladle(holding the liquid molten steel) gave way and all the molten steel is pouring on the floor and going below. We are all evacuating the shop floor! COME OUT NOW!” Suddenly there was a huge deafening noise from above. The whole chamber started to shake a bit. “WHAT! But sir! How can I come out now??? There is no emergency exit! Tell me which exit to choose..Sir! Please Please! I do not want to burn here! There is an LPG leakage also.” The whole shop will get blasted if the LPG is ignited by the 1560 degree Celsius temperature of the heavy molten steel that is pouring down… “Sir! Sir!” No sound from the walkie talkie. I started to perspire maybe because of the hypertension or actually because of the rise in temperature due to the hot molten steel pouring down under. The temperature started to rise!

I wanted to call someone. The situation was a complete lost case! There is very slim chance of surviving here. Maybe I should call my family. There was no signal anyway. But I still kept dialing on and on. What a tragic way to die. The fire alarm detected the high temperature and started to shriek in the chamber “WEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeWEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!” ( Like that of fire brigades).The flickering bulb gave way and it became pitch dark and the other alarms also started to ring now! “TRRRRRRRRRRIIIINGGGGG!!! “TRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIINGGGG!!!”

“TRRRRRRRRRIIIIINGGGGGGG!!!TRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGGG!!” It was pitch dark. I tried to look around for some light source. The alarms kept ringing. I opened my eyes! It was the phone!! I am getting a call somehow!! I picked it up “Hello!” …“Hello! Saikiajee!! So raha tha kya? Uth jao! 5.00 PM bajgaya. Yaad hai na? Aapka 6 baje ko duty hai……” ….

“Oh crap!”

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

What my kids will never see.

What my kids will never see..

Happy Birthday SMS! A much deserving tribute.

Dearest SMS!                                                                                                                                   Date:3/12/12

A very very Happy Birthday to you SMS! Its your 20th Birthday I suppose. So you have finally crossed your teen huh?I have nothing much to write here but some lines of gratitude towards you. You have completely revolutionized the way people express their feelings. Although some of us here detest SMS lingo, including me, you have completely changed how the present generation communicates. LOL: lots of love/Laugh Out Loud, JK: Just Kidding, TTYL:  talk to you later, are some. In fact some of them are also considered worthy to be in Oxfords dictionary. My personal favorite is “ttyl”

But I also feel very sad for you today,SMS! With the introduction of cutting edge technology in smartphones with various platforms ranging from iOS to Android, you are becoming extinct day by day.Whatsapp and BBM are your evil Stepbrothers. They are completely hogging away all the attention which used to be once, yours! But what they lack in them is the emotions and unexpectedness. That feeling that only you used to provide. The feeling of anticipation! Today, so many people are hooked up because of you. The sound of a new SMS text in our phone, when expecting from our loved ones, makes our skip a beat or two. What does Whatsapp offer. Nothing but only Spams and annoyingly long forwards. “Whatsapp will become permanent if you do this and that…” No element of surprise. You even know if the person have seen your message and is typing you or ignoring you in Whatsapp/BBM.But you! No!Your forwards were short sweet and funny. New year greetings, Diwali greetings etc were so great with those pictorial SMSes. You lasted long too! Whatsapp and other Internet enabled chat client does nothing but drain out our batteries.

I am sure there will be a few like me who would still prefer you over stepbrothers. In fact I have uninstalled Whatsapp from my phone just to mark your birthday. It also hanged my  phone  and battery empty, but that’s not the point . You deserve a much better Birthday. Today the only people who is celebrating your birthday are the Ad companies and the Telecom companies. But do not worry I took out time to write a blog post especially for you, my dear SMS! On a MONDAY!! After 9 hours of Site job followed by 2 hours of CAT coaching, I mustered up some strength to write a tribute post for you just before the clock strikes 12. See! You have me. What more do you want?!

“Hey! I go2 go.. u r awesom. <3 u loads, hav lotsa fun.. lol.. ttyl. GN..Appy Bday”

Yours gratefully and lovingly,

People who still love the conventional text SMS

Ajab ‘Saheb’ ki ‘Kasab’ kahani

Sometimes I wonder how did people live without twitter and Facebook. Internet and technology have completely revolutionized the way everyone is updated with current affairs. Gone are those days when people used to hold the good old radio to hear the ball by ball commentary of cricket matches when they were at work/college or sometimes take a sneak peek at the common office Television. Sigh! Good old Doordarshan used to get a lot of viewership back then. Nostalgia!

Look at how things have changed around you! Mumbai Police arrested Shaheen for her ‘offensive’ Facebook post on Balasaheb Thackerey. Who is right and who is wrong is obvious but that is not the point here. Would she have been arrested at the first place, if there was no Facebook or twitter to rant her frustrations on. Blame the technology! If someone has to go to jail, its ‘Technology’! Not Shaheen! If this would have happened in the late 1990′s or early 2000′s, would she have to face these third world problems? No! Not at all. No Facebook or twitter or any social media or perhaps any internet at the first place, to remove her frustrations that she can’t go shopping due to the stupid Bandh. No smartphones or perhaps even a mobile phone to share her ‘wisecrack view’ with her friends.No offence to her but she would not have known about the Shivsena Supremo’s death until the next day, unless her parents forced her to read the newspaper or the News channel instead of Page 3/Archie’s /Femina or Channel V/MTV/Cartoon Network.

Not only her but all of us in fact! Would you have known? Would you? Non-Maharashtrians would not have known who was Bal Thackerey at the first place ,except for the ones from Uttar Pradesh and the madrasis who faced the brunt of Balasaheb’s ‘love’. Professors and school teachers would have had a good time giving their students assignment “Write 500 words on Sir Bal Thackerey and his death” and students will be queuing up in the local cyber cafes googling away to glory. Derek O’Brien would be asking questions in ‘Bournvita Quiz Contest’ about his death day and none would have had a clue. I seriously pity how Internet and social News media have totally murdered the publication houses who used to publish books on current affairs. Does “Manorama Year Book” ring a bell anywhere?

How we stay updated with the world around have also become very ridiculous! Smartphones have ridiculously made even a dumb bloke smart! You are having your breakfast and you are quickly surfing through your twitter or  Facebook timeline and suddenly you see posts like:

“Knock Knock!
Pranab Mukherjee – Who’s there?
Kasab – Me
Pranab Mukherjee – Hang, on! “

“Kasab.exe sent to Hell.bin!”

“Guys! why is my software Kasab.exe hanging too much today”

“What on Earth is Kasab doing in Pune? Oh! Just Hanging around!”

Suddenly you realize that something has happened to Kasab and you immediately check the news app in your phone and there! you are updated detail by detail. In fact they have much more to offer you. “Please stay connected for second by second update on how he was hanged and who has to say what about it.” All of a sudden every one becomes a wise crack  and has to share a piece of his/her mind. You see even the dumbest kid from your old school sharing a piece of his mind.

Of course, who am I to say. I am no Mumbai Police. Its his Facebook/twitter page. and India was a democratic country until…….